


Thursday

by IronMuffin



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Depression, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Nobody dies in this, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, sad Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-02 03:53:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19191361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IronMuffin/pseuds/IronMuffin
Summary: "His wrists looked so bony on the lecture hall table, right there on top of his notebook. Or maybe they had always looked that way. He was pretty sure that it wasn’t this bad before even if he had a frail figure. It might be that he had been skipping a bit too many meals for a few months so the result was inevitable."You never know how small things can make a difference in somebody else's life.





	Thursday

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for depression and suicidal thoughts. But I would never kill these boys so don't worry. Unbetaed, just written and posted straight after it.

i>Tuesday 11:13 AM __

_His wrists looked so bony on the lecture hall table, right there on top of his notebook. Or maybe they had always looked that way. He was pretty sure that it wasn’t this bad before even if he had a frail figure. It might be that he had been skipping a bit too many meals for a few months so the result was inevitable._

_The notebook itself was unopened. And he really hadn’t been listening to the lecturer at all during this class but for once it didn’t matter. The pencil case was unopened too, sitting on the corner of the desk._

_But he still just keep staring at his wrists, turning his palms a bit to make sure that, yep, those really were his._

_Finally, the women in the front of the room finished and wished all the students a happy and eventful week and remember to studystudystudy. People immediately around him started to scramble their things together and the room filled quickly with chatter among fellow students and friends._

_Luckily, he wasn’t in a hurry. Didn’t pack any lunch with him and didn’t feel like eating in the cafeteria. The next hour or so would go easily by sitting in the quiet library near the lecture room where his next and the final class of his day would be held._

_Minutes flew semi fast, he spend most of it scrolling on animal videos on youtube. This was a rare day when he actually didn’t even pretend to study. He only wished he would have found better videos that day, they might have cheered him up a bit better._

_It was almost a small relief when he finally could trek to the class room and take a seat in the back. He had done it, one more class and then head home.  
He almost couldn’t held in the groan of anguish with other students when the teacher (new in the uni and too enthusiastic about it) had decided this year the course would include a group work, done in pairs or small groups to “get the vibe going”._

_It usually worked if he just hung his head a bit more low and didn’t make a scene about anything related to the upcoming chaos when people chose their groups or tried to gather the best team to survive the ordeal. Then after class he would just usually contact the teacher and make it ok for him to do it alone._

_But no. Suddenly, there was a scraping of a chair and a figure on the right hand side of his field of vision._

_“Hi! I guess we are a team? Or you look like you don’t have one yet so..here I am and we have one now!”_

__For the love of… _Why today.__ _

___Turning to look in the direction of the voice made it obviously clear that he had suddenly acquired a teammate._ _ _

___The eyes looking back at him were liquid brown, almost too bright in their shine under a dark mop of hair. They were kind of pretty. You didn’t really see eyes like that too often.  
The mouth under the eyes and a nice perfectly symmetric nose was still talking , explaining about the ideas that the owner of said things already had, asking about what his ideas on the subject were and then immediately bouncing on to the next idea._ _ _

___This hurricane of a person name was Tony. And Tony looked excited to know his name was Steve._ _ _

___Tony was also thrilled when he heard Steve give a few short answers in between, the crinkles around the brown pools forming and nose crunching up with a small giggle after each one.  
The chatter around the class and in the newly paired up people quieted down as the teacher gave the last instructions and advice and then said that they would end the class early today and continue on Thursday, when the class would involve a lecture part and some time dedicated to their teams._ _ _

___After that every one once again gathered their things, scrambling to the halls to head out with their newly found freedom._ _ _

___What he didn’t expect was to Tony chatting along his side the whole way trough, obviously happy with Steve’s small answers and hmm’s in the right moments. The one tiny smile he managed to give Tony made Tony’s face start beaming and his face light up with laughter and comment “ finally some positive spirit out of Captain Frown A Lot!” ._ _ _

___Once it was obvious that they were parting ways, Steve going outside and Tony continuing along the hall, he was a bit stunned when Tony’s arm came around his shoulder for a small instant to give him a one armed hug, pumping his shoulder a bit after letting go. Hollering after him “See you on Thursday!” while rushing into the swarm of students migrating along the same way he was heading to._ _ _

___He didn’t remember when his last hug had been. It might have been his mother’s. It left him standing there for a while, didn’t know why his body felt so odd, like something was off and he wasn’t sure if it was bad or good. Nothing was usually good._ _ _

___He wasn’t sure how long he kept standing there, but eventually headed out._ _ _

___The walk back home was only 15 minutes long . The weather had finally cleared up after a few weeks of rain and it was finally warm enough that you could easily go without a jacket. Not that he did but anyway._ _ _

___Once he made it back to his apartment, one bedroom smallish place he had had for a few years now, it was relief. Inside his home nothing mattered anymore in a way that would hurt any extra._ _ _

___He took his shoes off, placing them neatly next to the few other pairs and hung his pack bag on the hook by the door. The place was tidy, freshly cleaned and everything put to their rightful place._ _ _

___The door to the bedroom was a jar and he could see the sun shining through curtains, they were a light version and didn’t darken the room too much.  
Casting a final glance on the living room and the kitchen attached to it, he shuffled to the desk. _ _ _

___There was nothing else on the table but the orange pill bottles._ _ _

___The sunrays cast an orange tinge on the dark brown table’s surface, the shadows of the tree branches outside playing on the worn wood surface. Some of the pills were outdated. But it didn’t matter, according to google. He had checked. There were enough of them._ _ _

___He glanced from the bottles to his bed. Made up, pillows fluffed. There was a handwritten letter on one of them._ _ _

___He had waited so long for this day. Arranged everything or at least tried. The fear was less, it was bearable and it didn’t feel as big anymore, not so big that it would affect anything at this point._ _ _

___He was tired. So tired of everything._ _ _

___The funniest thought popped up in to his head, he knew one person that was the opposite of that and that was Tony. Child prodigy, of course he knew him, and that they were possibly going to the same school. Never seen him before there and definitely wasn’t prepared for the whole Duracell bunny experience of meeting him._ _ _

___And now he was supposed to see him on Thursday._ _ _

___He could feel the mocked by Tony frown appear on this forehead. This was not in the plan._ _ _

___Looking back at the pill bottles, the frown deepened. His lips pursed. A bird chirped behind the window, glad to have found the park which his bedroom window overlooked beautifully._ _ _

___Well. Maybe he could see what happens on Thursday. It was unexpected and he hadn’t really prepared for this. His school work was not supposed to affect anybody else anymore at this point._ _ _

___His stomach gave a small twinge of hunger pain. It was too stupid to know that the fridge had already been emptied to prevent any bad odors from spoiling food._ _ _

___Turning to look through the door to his living room he spotted the pizza delivery ad on the side of the fridge, neatly arranged next to the post-its._ _ _

___ _

___Okay._ _ _

___ _

___Deep breath._ _ _

___ _

___Thursday it is. One more peak at the liquid pools would not hurt anybody._ _ _

___ _

___Pulling his phone from his pocket, he started walking to the kitchen area, turning the tv on when doing so. There was this one movie in Netflix that he still hadn’t watched even though planning that for weeks at one point._ _ _

___Dialing up the pizza place and turning back to sit on the couch, his last though before somebody answered was _Thursday _.___ _ _


End file.
